Rock star, actress, and all around dirtbag Courtney Love knows who is to blame for her numerous problems…President Bush! This past year Courtney has gone broke, been arrested for causing a disturbance on an airplane, been arrested for drugs, lost her daughter, and almost killed a fan at a concert by throwing a microphone stand […]
Are professional baseball ticket prices driving you nuts? Well they are about to go up again. An appeals court in Newark, New Jersey ruled that fans that get hit by foul balls could sue. I can hear the commercials already, “Are you a victim of pro-baseball negligence, have you ever been served warm beer, cold […]
I have a great idea for a new cable channel, the Cold War Channel. This station would play nothing but movies like Red Dawn, Rocky IV, Rambo, The Hunt for Red October, Missing in Action, and FireFox. In between movies we could air great speeches by Ronald Reagan and show reruns of the 1980 Olympic […]
I am starting to confuse that famous Senator from Massachusetts and now Presidential candidate with the Lord of the Rings character Gollum. In my opinion, Gollum was one of the most interesting fictional characters in film history. Gollum was a schizophrenic poor soul that was consumed by the power of his “precious” ring of power. […]
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An investment banker tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. “Not very long,” answered the fisherman. “But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the banker. The fisherman explained […]
The motivation and sheer stupidity of Hans Blix was always crystal clear to us here at the “Markowski Monthly.” This past month “Mr. Magoo” gave a classic interview on highly respected news network MTV. “I lived through the whole Cold War and the risk then, the mutually assured destruction, the “M.A.D.,” as it was called, […]
There was a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American. So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an American is, so they would know when they found one. An American is English, or French, […]
I love receiving letters and e-mails from our readers and listeners. This past month I received so many wonderful, inspirational holiday greetings from many of you and I would like to thank everyone for making my holiday wonderful. There was one holiday greeting I received that articulated the problem we are now facing regarding economic […]
France and Germany have decided that they know much better than the United States in regards to Iraq, war, and weapons of mass destruction. The United Nations feels that they should have supreme power over the United States. Inspector Clouseau (A.K.A. Hans Blix) and his crew continue to amble around a country the size of […]
THE CLASSIC VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter […]